Orno Movie
by Stephanie18
Summary: It's not really PG-13. I would say more of PG-15. Yeah, PG-15 is about right. Anyway, no good can come Max directing a movie...trust me...


Orno Movie  
  
  
Don't believe me? Well trust me. Or you can read if you don't believe me. Oh, um, I'm gonna turn all the humorfics into a series! Yes, a Dark Angel humor series! Just what is needed. =)  
  
Read First:  
Womannapped  
Original Logan  
The Noise Of Musac  
*N Max's Addiction  
  
Disclaimer: Mr. Help The Boat Is Sinking and...that guy...own Dark Angel. I don't own Dark Angel. If I did, I'd be rich and I'd be directing movies about unsinkable ships that sink, now wouldn't I?  
  
  
  
[A movie set. Max is wearing her blue hat. That damn hat! Sorry. Hats have been bad to me lately. Anyway, she is sitting in a director's chair and there is a megaphone next to her chair. Dear Lord, she's directing a movie.]  
  
MAX:  
Eeeeeeeee! I'm so excited.  
  
LOGAN (unenthusiastically):  
That's great.  
  
[Max picks up the megaphone and holds it next to Logan's ear.]  
  
MAX (using megaphone):  
Whatsa matter grumpy?  
  
LOGAN:  
People keep yelling in my ear using megaphones.  
  
[Max throws the megaphone at a stagehand and laughs.]  
  
MAX:  
Ha ha ha ha!  
  
STEPHANIE18:  
I don't know if the HAing was nessacary. I mean, I *did* tell you she laughed.  
  
MAX:  
Give that back to me.  
  
[The stagehand grumbles and gives Max the megaphone.]  
  
LOGAN:  
What's the name of the movie anyway?  
  
MAX:  
Um...I dunno. Shaving Brian's Privates I think.  
  
LOGAN:  
Oh my God.  
  
MAX:  
What?  
  
LOGAN:  
Uh, nothing. Nothing. [Pause] Say, what's the company that's producing this anyway?  
  
MAX:  
Oh, Horn-  
  
STEPHANIE18:  
We get it! We get it!  
  
LOGAN:  
Oh God. [Pause] What're the actors names?  
  
MAX:  
Um... Busty La Chest and Melty Ballzac.  
  
LOGAN:  
Max, I don't think this is the kind of movie that you should be directing.  
  
MAX:  
Why? It's a movie!  
  
LOGAN:  
It is a movie, but it's more of a...puberty stricken teenage boy and dirty old man movie. Get my drift?  
  
MAX:  
Oh yeah! [Pause] It's an action movie!  
  
LOGAN:  
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! It's a-  
  
[A very loud crash interrupts Logan's speech.]  
  
MAX:  
What the hell is an Orno movie? Logan, you're weird!  
  
[Max walks away. Logan sits there, not believing Max could be so...unaware.]  
  
LOGAN:  
Why does the Blue Lady hate me?  
  
[Suddenly, Zack comes from behind a curtain, only in a robe.]  
  
STEPHANIE18:  
Back Zack fans! Back I say!  
  
[Zack walks over to Logan.]  
  
LOGAN:  
Hey Zack.  
  
ZACK:  
Shhhhhhh! It's Melty Ballzac around here!  
  
LOGAN:  
Oh my God.  
  
[Max comes back and sees Zack in the robe.]  
  
MAX:  
Zack, you're a little scantly clad to be on a film set.  
  
STEPHANIE18:  
Who is she and what has she done with the REAL Max???  
  
ZACK:  
Max! Shhhhhh! As I just told Logan, it's Melty Ballzac. [Pause of realization] What're you guys doing here anyway?  
  
MAX:  
I'm directing this movie!  
  
[Zack gets all smug.]  
  
ZACK:  
Oh? So, you'll be watching the firery love making?  
  
STEPHANIE18:  
Any hope of this being rated PG-13 is now gone.  
  
MAX:  
What are you talking about? God! First it's Logan with orno movies and now you with firery love making! God! Er...Blue Lady! Er...argh!!  
  
[Max stomps off and Zack sits in a free chair. Logan shrieks.]  
  
LOGAN:  
CLOSE YOUR LEGS!!!!  
  
ZACK:  
Sorry.  
  
[Zack crosses his legs. Logan makes a gagging face and hands Zack a towel.]  
  
LOGAN:  
Put that over your...ugh...just...just put it on.  
  
[Zack covers his *ahem* with the towel.]  
  
ZACK:  
Listen, if you could, ya know, keep this little - I mean this large-  
  
[Stephanie18 holds in lots and lots of laughter.]  
  
ZACK:  
Thing we've got here, ya know, keep it from Manticore and the guys.  
  
LOGAN:  
I never want to speak of what I've seen ever again.  
  
[Logan walks away, leaving Zack...er...Melty Ballzac alone.]  
  
STEPHANIE18:  
*Ahem* 2 hours later...  
  
[Max has her megaphone and is yelling through it.]  
  
MAX:  
Okay, Busty, just...what're you doing? Oh my God! That's not right!!!!  
  
LOGAN:  
I told you.  
  
MAX:  
Melty, get in here!  
  
[Melty (Zack) goes over to Busty and removes his robe.]  
  
EVERYONE:  
WE'RE BLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIND!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
[Zack gets under the covers.]  
  
MAX:  
My eyes! My eyes! I need scalding water, stat!!!!  
  
[A stagehand (with his eyes tightly shut) splashes scalding water on everyone's eyes.]  
  
LOGAN:  
Warn us next time!  
  
STEPHANIE18:  
This is SOOOO not PG-13. R? Hmmmm...PG? I dunno. Let me check.  
  
MAX:  
Okay, Logan, what is an orno movie?  
  
[As Logan begins to explain, for some reason, 3 Doors Down music begins to play. Hey, that's what I'm listening to right now. *Ahem* Anyway, when Logan is done, the music stops. Max is just sitting in her director's chair flabergasted. Big word! Look it up.]  
  
MAX (slowly):  
Oh...my...God.  
  
LOGAN:  
Yeah.  
  
MAX:  
Melty, how could you?  
  
ZACK:  
The boyband didn't work out so I did the next best thing!  
  
STEPHANIE18:  
Who was she? Oh! Good one!  
  
MAX:  
This is not what I signed up for.  
  
LOGAN:  
I know. You signed up for the pony rides and juice.  
  
MAX:  
I cannot direct this stuff. It's...it's...it's icky!  
  
STEPHANIE18:  
Max, the walking dictionary/thesaurus ladies and gentlemen.  
  
LOGAN:  
Yeah...  
  
MAX:  
I wonder if Busty La Chest would be interested in directing.  
  
[A Baywatch-looking blonde runs toward Max and Logan in slow motion.]  
  
BUSTY:  
Yes! Yes! Yes! Ohhhh yes!!!  
  
[Everybody is speechless.]  
  
MAX:  
Er...um...when you're done practicing your lines, do you wanna direct?  
  
BUSTY:  
Yeah! Directing...I've always wanted to direct you know.  
  
[Busty sits in the director's chair and grabs the megaphone. She struggles with Max for a few minutes, then finally grabs it away from Max.]  
  
BUSTY (using megaphone):  
Get ready for a film directed by Busty La Chest!  
  
[Max leaves the set looking dejected. Logan follows trying to whipe the image of Melty from his mind.]  
  
LOGAN:  
I am going to need lots and lots of therapy.  
  
THE END 


End file.
